three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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