don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize