Its about making memories worth repressing
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
