The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
