did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
