I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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