Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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