11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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