She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
