Ambien. No doubt about it.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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