what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
