well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
