so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
