I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
