Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
