Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
