yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
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We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
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Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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