"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
