Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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