Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
