I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
