Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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