im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
