NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
