so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
