found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
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We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
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I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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