Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
