She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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