So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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