I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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