weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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