So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
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And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
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Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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