Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
