I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
