He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize