Yo dont text me then not text me
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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