But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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