I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
