1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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