He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
