Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
