my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
