Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...

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(407): View more from Florida

Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

If i need to get strippers involved i will.

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(972): View more from Texas

he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized

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(562): View more from California

I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.

(605): View more from South Dakota

Desperate times...

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.

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