I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
