His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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