I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
