I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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