You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
