so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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