I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
