That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
