I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
