worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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