dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
