I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
