So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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