I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
