Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Enjoy the penises
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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