he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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