it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
