so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
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The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
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If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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