you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
