.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
