Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
