I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
