Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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