I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize