Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
