How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
