12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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