i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
