Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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