ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I deserve this hangover.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize